


BANG! The Heart Blossoms: A Date Manual

by guava



Category: Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Crack, Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 09:19:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8527609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guava/pseuds/guava
Summary: A must-read for foul-mouthed edgelords in love!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [Iwanaga Tetsuya's deodorant commercial](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vfu0xxZ_ziU&feature=youtu.be) with a change of product featured.

Looking into Taiga's eyes, Kuroto said, "You're the one for me."

Taiga looked at the bandage around Kuroto's hand and the messed up state of Kuroto's hair. Both were due to Taiga's doing.

"Are you serious?" Taiga had to ask.

Indeed, Kuroto was. To find out reason behind his seriousness, let's rewind to the beginning of Taiga and Kuroto's date…

* * *

The explosion of a Bugstar marked the end of a workday for Taiga. As the Director had already discharged the patient cured of the Bugstar's influence, there was nothing else for Taiga to do at the CR. He was free to leave the hospital and blow off some steam. But first…

…when Poppy Pipopapo crossed paths with him on his way out, her jaw dropped and she exclaimed, "Oh, Taiga! There's something different about you, po!"

"I guess."

He twirled a set of car keys on his finger which wasn't his. This set, which allowed him to use a car obviously also not his, was 'something different' that he happened to bring along with him that day.

Exercising his rarely used driving skills, Taiga drove through the traffic to meet up with the car's real owner. Dan Kuroto was already waiting for him right outside the Genm Corp building. It was unusual to see him in casual clothes instead of a business suit, but then again, it was more unusual for Taiga to be driving his car.

To catch Kuroto's attention, Taiga honked once and rolled down the window to shout, "Yo, loser!"

This was an unsubtle reference to their game last night, which ended with Kuroto forfeiting the car keys to Taiga. After enjoying his spoils for one day, Taiga decided he had enough.

"Driving is still a pain in the ass," Taiga declared. He stepped out of the car to toss the car keys to Kuroto. "Here, you can have these back."

"Thank you, Dr. Hanaya." Having deftly caught the car keys, Kuroto waved them at Taiga. "For your trouble in bringing the car back, allow me to take you somewhere fun."

"What kind of fun, exactly?"

* * *

The most basic kind of fun, as it turned out — fun to be had at an amusement park. In Taiga's opinion, this was one of Kuroto's better ideas for an evening out together. He was even more pleased when he found this particular amusement park to have a shooting range.

With his Bugstar-exterminating 1337 marksman ability, Taiga shot at the balloon targets with a toy rifle. Each of his aim hit the mark, popping the balloons one by one. The only breath he wasted in earning one of the top prizes was the breath he blew over the rifle's muzzle when he was finished.

Since there was nothing among the winning prizes of children toys which interested Taiga, he let Kuroto choose an item to bring home. Kuroto chose a yellow duck plushie, which Taiga recognized as the Rilakkuma bears' third wheel friend.

"Why this?" Taiga asked.

Kuroto raised the duck to show it to Taiga. "It's yellow and cute. Just like Kamen Rider Snipe."

The next five minutes were spent in making a scene as Taiga wrested the duck from Kuroto and appropriated it as a weapon to beat up Kuroto with. Ceasefire was reached once Taiga had forced Kuroto to give the duck away to the first random kid they came across.

Their next stop at the amusement park was the roller coaster ride. Below the shrieking people on the ride being rolled upside down on the looping tracks, Taiga couldn't contain his excitement.

"I. Need. ADRENALINE!" He shouted, pulling Kuroto by the hand to join the line for the ride and get his adrenaline fix.

Throughout the ride, Taiga didn't let go of Kuroto's hand. He still didn't let go when the ride was over and they were walking on flat ground again. On most days, he didn't care for holding hands, for it was cheesy and only got his palm sweaty. Yet somehow he didn't mind holding Kuroto's hand in his, right here in the middle of this crowded and noisy amusement park.

However, Kuroto wanted him to let go.

"I think you've fractured my fingers during the ride," Kuroto claimed.

"Nonsense, you're fine," Taiga reassured him.

He could tell the state of Kuroto's hand just by touching it. After all his years of training as a radiologist, Taiga had practically become one with the X-ray machine.

He was pulling Kuroto towards the carousel, when Kuroto pointed at a board beside the queue for the roller coaster.

"Hey look," Kuroto said, "that's how you look like after training with the VR for six hours straight!"

"FUCK!"

Focusing in the direction Kuroto was pointing at, Taiga saw a shot of them on the roller coaster. As he approached the board it was pinned on to examine it, he loosened his hold on Kuroto's hand.

Once he had dislodged his hand, Kuroto retrieved his wallet from his back pocket. He winced as he took out some cash and passed it to Taiga.

"Here, go buy the picture and get it off the board," Kuroto instructed. "I'll be right back after I get my hand checked."

"Okay, you do that."

If Kuroto wanted another doctor to check his body, Taiga didn't care. His attention was now focused on obtaining the picture of him and Kuroto, and destroying evidence on how stupid their faces looked.

* * *

The other doctor confirmed there was nothing wrong with Kuroto's hand, thus proving Taiga's doctor's intuition to be right. To compensate for doubting Taiga, Kuroto treated him to all you can drink vodka at a bar.

"Why did you have your hand bandaged anyway?" Taiga asked in between downing shots. He was determined to take one for every literal shot he landed today.

"In case you want to hold it again," Kuroto replied.

His answer made no sense, and he didn't have alcohol to blame it on. Taiga drank without Kuroto joining him, since Kuroto still had to drive his car home. The need to abstain from drinking in one's downtime was another reason why driving sucks.

Taiga continued doing shots until a point when Kuroto had to snatch the glass away from him.

"You're going to suffer from alcohol poisoning," Kuroto warned him.

As Taiga moved to snatch the glass back, Kuroto not only seized his hand, but also kissed the back of it. What the fuck! Kuroto deserved a smack on the head in return. Taiga intended to deliver one, but upon laying his hand on Kuroto's head, he found himself roughly tousling Kuroto's hair instead.

"Yo, CEO," Taiga slurred, "This brain surgery is going to cost you."

It was ironic, but not unexpected, when Taiga ended up feeling like the one who needed a lobotomy. The moment Kuroto parked his car near Taiga's apartment, Taiga dashed out to throw up in a ditch.

His body shook with the night wind, only getting some relief when Kuroto bent down to rub his back.

"Taiga, the truth is, I have something I wanted to tell you along."

"Yeah?" Taiga returned Kuroto's gaze once he was done puking his guts out.

"You're the one for me."

"Are you serious?"

"As serious as I can get."

Taiga could guess what was going to happen next. He too, had prepared for this moment all along. Reaching into the pocket of his camo pants, he pulled out…a bottle of _Bang Bang Cauliflower_ mouthwash.

This mouthwash was a vital element of Taiga's pre-date ritual. Remember when Poppy remarked there was "something different" about Taiga? Bang Bang Cauliflower made all the difference. A capful of _Bang Bang Cauliflower_ is enough to transform the foul-mouthed speech of an edgelord into the sweetest talk. Take his breath away…with your very breath.

The liquid worked its magic in Taiga's mouth, cleansing it of bad breath. Now all he had to do was spit it out into the drain, and he could kiss Kuroto without worrying about inflicting undeserved torture on the other man. Use _Bang Bang Cauliflower_ , for a wonderful love!


End file.
